Everyone makes mistakes. Few people appreciate them. Unfortunately, this includes me. To make a mistake, first you must make an effort. You didn’t try something easy, but something hard. You took a risk. Not to your finances. Nor your career. But to your self esteem. Other parts of your life may have picked up a bump. Your confidence, that is well and truly bruised.

And you failed.

But first you succeeded. In trying. In broadening your understanding. Right now you’re hurting. And pain narrows your focus to whatever is hurting you. I tend to gloss over my effort if I fail at something new. If you have a failure that’s nagging, take a moment to appreciate what you tried to accomplish instead of the impact of your actions.

When I try something new, the greatest possible outcome is that I grow as a person. Material success, status, and trophies. These things are nice, but they aren’t really important. Self development is. And not in a no one gets an F in preschool kind of way.

Growing as a person is far and away most likely if I fail. And if that failure hurts. Is that true for you as well? If so, what can you learn from this suffering to make it worth the pain?  How can you make this the best possible outcome?

This is a funeral.

It’s time to bury your mistakes into the dust of history. But first take a moment to appreciate the past. Let go of your expectations. Your recriminations. Your what ifs. Your if onlys. These things have no place at a funeral. Look back on the past and think of the best. There is no place for blame or criticism. There is only room for acceptance, not exaggeration. For sorrow, not misery.

Maturity is typically measured in years.

But this is obviously a poor measure. Some young people are incredibly mature, and some adults don’t exactly live up to the name. I prefer to measure maturity in the number of serious mistakes that a person has recognized and overcome. I’m eight and a half by the way. How mature are you?

You shrug off stress.

These are statements of fact. How do they make you feel? Are they true for you? If so, please share your wisdom.

They are not true for me. Or more accurately, they are sometimes true. Perhaps a better question is how to make them true. Or at least true more often.

Would they be true for you if you said they were?

No? But what if you did it over and over again. Maybe? Probably not. That might get you close. Or maybe just in denial. But what if you did the reserve? If you said your job was terrible over and over? If you nitpicked every flaw. Would that make you hate your job? Yes, I think it would.

But what if you tried something else?

You tried to find joy in the mundane tasks of your job. You tried to expand your responsibilities into areas that fascinate you, and drop those that frustrate you. What if you practiced effective stress relief? Realized when you’re upset, and relaxed regularly?

Will these things make you love your job? Or make relaxing second nature? No, I don’t think that they will. I do think that they will help you grow as a person. And maybe that’s the question we should all be asking.

What would I do If I was fabulously wealthy?

I love reading. I do a lot of that know, and I’d probably do even more. Instead of waiting for books at the library, I’d probably just buy them. I love learning and personal growth. I’d probably take classes for these on writing, and psychology at college. Maybe a few AI courses too. I haven’t taken anything like this recently. I love sports, running, and weight lifting. I’m doing all of these right now. There not that expensive, although I might take advantage of more personal training sessions.

I’d love to see lots of different places and meet different people. I travel a bit now, but mostly I go home to see my family. I’d like to go abroad more often and travel more slowly. I haven’t gone to a new place in a while. I love helping people. This would probably mean volunteering. Maybe starting my own charity. I’m not doing this now. I’d love to go to a meditation retreat.

In short, if I were rich, I’d do a lot of what I’m already doing. Wow, that’s a pretty great answer.

I’d hire of a lot of people. For the obvious stuff like cleaning, and cooking (but only sometimes because I like to cook). But also a nutritionist. I might keep a massage therapist on staff. Or even better, massage classes for my SO.

But I’d also stop doing some things…

I’d quit my job. I have a nice job, great even. I do enjoy it. It’s also stressful, and demanding. And it takes a ghastly amount of time to do. I feel like I should enjoy it more. My boss is supportive and includes me in decisions. The perks are great. Honestly, I feel a bit guilty that I don’t enjoy it more.

Would that make me happy? I think that’s a bit of an odd question. A bit like asking if squares are hard or soft. For me, money and happiness are two different things that don’t really affect each other all that much. That’s what the literature on happiness says for my situation.

I understand that for some people this is not the case. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but you can use it to prevent certain types of misery. The most obvious is providing food, shelter and medical care. The most common is jealousy. This is one mistake I made at my first job. I realized it then, but it took a lot of time for me to stop feeling resentful.

And if I were just very wealthy?

I’d probably have to shut down my charity. That doesn’t actually sound so bad. I’d join someone else’s. Maybe the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation?

Otherwise, I don’t see anything really changing.

And if I had just an above average income?

I’d probably switch to business class. And let go of all my hired help. My masseuse! I’d have to go to community college instead of college.

And if I were poor?

I’d still read. I would grab books from the library. I’d still run and play soccer (pick up games?). Weight lifting might have to switch to body weight exercises instead of barbells. I couldn’t travel and that would really hurt. Classes would have to switch to the online ones.

In summary

I want my life to look much like what I’m doing now. I’d like to spend more time learning and less (no) time working. Volunteering would let me aid people and connect to others. I could probably start volunteering and taking classes right now. Both of those take time more than money, but right now that’s at a premium.

What’s important to me? I’m not so sure. For a long time I didn’t really think about it. I just assumed that it would be obvious. But when I try to answer this type of question, it’s actually really hard. So here goes: personal growth, kindness. I like to grow myself and nuture others.

What makes me happy? Reading. Exercise. Spending time with friends and family. Massages. Helping other people.