Desire is the most common emotion in most people. It’s about longing for things that we do not have. We all want things. Some of these things are fairly common: money, prestige, emotional connection. But some things that we want vary wildly from person to person.
Desire does not spring from the ether fully formed. It starts with a little bit of interest. Maybe curiosity. Or the need to be accepted. Or maybe the warm glow of praise. Once desire has been sparked, it’s merely a passing interest. It needs to grow before it can develop into a desire.
How does it grow?
The things we want are the things we glorify. Spend each day singing the praises of an unreleased video game, and you’ll grow to want it. Alternatively, if you criticize the alternatives, that will have the same effect. Complain about your job constantly, and you’ll want to find a different one. Consider a few of the things you want desperately. How often do you praise them in your mind? Or bemoan the alternatives? Consistently, and intentionally treat something in this way, and you’ll develop your desire.
But desires are not just emotions.
They are beliefs about how you will respond to different circumstances. You want a new car? Then you must believe that a new car will do something for you or change your life in some important way. And this is always something very specific. Maybe that a new car will help you fit it, or give you the freedom to travel to new places. You want a new job? Then you believe that your current job is making you miserable. These beliefs are the foundation of your desires, for without an underlying belief, your desires would collapse.
And sometimes, we hold onto a belief that simply is not true. Despite our desperate wishes, or our striving, obtaining what we desire often does not make us happy. What beliefs fuel your most tightly held desires? Have you ever stopped to identify them? To question them? Have you tried them out in some way, or are you assuming that they’ll work out?
My Desires
Retirement: I’ve spent a lot of time learning about investing in the past few years (specifically asset allocation). The early retirement community has been a great resource for financial education. It also constantly praises the freedom of retiring, and the constraints of work. Combine that with my exceedingly stressful last job, and retiring early transformed into one of my desires.
But I’m not working in that last job anymore. My current one is much less stressful, and much more engaging. And although I value the freedom of having fewer time constraints, the main reason I want to have more time is so that I can work on self development more. I don’t spend as much time on that as I’d like right now, but retiring wouldn’t necessarily fix that. Self development is hard work, and I often slip into entertainment instead. That’s something that I could work on now, and I worry that my focus on retirement is a way to avoid that.
Self Development: I’ve taken up learning and self improvement as one of my core aspirations. More than that I have a system, and I’m currently working on it. My main goal with this is to become more intentional, to spend more of my time pursuing my long term goals. This rests on the belief that much of my unhappiness comes from making poor choices (often due to not paying attention). And that much of my joy comes from working on hard things where I have a good reason to do so. When I look back over the past days, weeks, and even years of my life, I’d say both of these beliefs ring true.