Hatred is the crystallization of anger. To hate, one must practice anger until it becomes an instinct. It doesn’t just happen. Every thought forged in anger, lays the tracks for resentment.
Anger, like all emotions, is a feeling and a story. The feeling is pain. The story is most often that someone else is causing it. And not for any good reason. Because that person is cruel. Or careless. Or inept.
Anger has no interest in truth.
Anything that denies your story is attacked. These are not rejections of your pain, but your understanding. And make no mistake. Your pain is real. But your story is not. No one else can tell you that it’s wrong. You won’t listen. I certainly didn’t. Just listen to your own story.
How does repeating that story make you feel? Does it bring back all of the hurt? Why do you continually dredge up the past? Is there any action you can take to change that situation now? Any lesson that you can take from it?
In a very real sense, to feel anger is to blame.
You might have been hurt by the actions of another. And they might have even been cruel, careless or inept. But you are not a neutral observer. You have an incredible amount of insight into what you felt, and what happened to you. But almost none into that other person.
What was that other person feeling? What information did they have access to? Why did they take their actions?
Blame is the only real way to avoid responsibility. If something happens that hurts you, you can’t really say that it didn’t happen. Because it did. And you feel it. And feelings are very hard to argue with.
Blame is seductive because it makes life easier. Instead of dealing with your feelings and your choices, you only need to deal with your feelings. But you don’t need blame for this. I hereby give you permission to deal with your feelings whenever you are in pain. Examining your actions can wait. And almost always it should.
I have many flaws, but anger?
I thought I had moved beyond it. That was one emotion I had understood thoroughly. Enough to recognize it, and promptly set it aside on the rare occasions where it surfaced. For why would I hold onto something that caused me pain?
I was wrong.
I was hurt. Dodging responsibility for my actions meant pushing blame onto others. I held onto my pain to shield myself from responsibility. Because that was even more painful.